Grace Avila
Robert Lunday
English 1301
July 28, 2011
My Teen Pregnancy
Preface- I decided to write a story of my life and what has accrued during my teenage years, when I chose to become a mother as well as a wife. In a way I feel that writing about this will help other people or students understand why I am how I am and who I am. I also go in to particulars about what I was going threw at that particular time.
Memoir#1 - My name is Grace Avila, and at fifteen years old I became pregnant. Yes I know this is crazy but this is my life, what was I thinking at fifteen? I don’t know what was crossing threw my mind, why did I let this happen, were where my parents? I felt alone and did not know what to do or what to think about myself. I knew everyone would be disappointed in me, but what could I do know? After telling the father and we both telling our parents it was a big lift off my shoulders but it was the beginning, the beginning of a stressful and very challenging life. Our parents decided that the best thing for both of us would be for me to move in with his family. Yes it was wrong and I know it was going to be a big challenge but my dad did not make that much money for all of us already and my mom was a stay at home wife.
As a young teenager you think you’re in love, you think everything will be perfect, what was I thinking. Nothing was easy; nothing has increasingly been easy ever since I found out I was pregnant at fifteen. I felt that I had to do everything clean and make sure everything was put up since I was living there for free. I would clean their house then walk ten blocks to help my mom clean her house; I needed as much funds as possible because I was not old enough to obtain a job. My parents did what they could to help me out but I knew they were struggling I knew they didn’t have enough or extra for me. In my opinion I have learned from this experienced and this journey so much I believe that because of this I am who I am today and I am strong and confident in my life as well as in myself.
My son was born Oct. 2000 of course I went back to school, thank God my school offered program for pregnant girls who did get pregnant. After only one week of stay at home, I went back to school (with my baby) it was an alternative school for expecting teen mothers. Be acquainted with that I am an adult I look back and see that many States do not offer this kind of programs for expecting teenagers, yes I feel blessed and grateful to be able to finish high school. So many teenagers across the United States don’t have the opportunity I had and are obligated to drop out of high school. The course that I was in permitted me to acquire my child to class and do my work at the same time, we were able to do this for a period of six weeks after that you would leave our babies in a school day care center (which was very marvelous at the time to me) since I did not have any one to take care of my baby.
Then back to high school I went, high school for me was a different place, no more hanging out with friends, no more having fun or not taking it serious. Know it was a place to go learn as much as I could and go home. I had to go home as almost immediately after school, I had a baby, but in high school girls were getting pregnant left and right. It is unfortunate when young teenagers consider pregnancy a miraculous or astonishing thing; we know so little at that age. After I had gone to school for a while (10th grade) and when my baby was six months old, I decided to get a job. Both the baby’s father and I decided it was time to get a job.
Yes we knew it was going to be hard and it was going to be challenging but we had too we were of age now, (sixteen) and we needed cash due to more diapers and formula which I might add its very expensive. So a regular day for me was wake up early 5 AM (baby would wake me up during the night every three hours) get the baby ready for day care, get me ready for day care and make sure the diaper bag had everything inside and make sure I had all my books. Once I dropped off the baby at daycare off to school I went, I picked up the baby at 3pm and had to be at work at 4pm.
Memoir#2 - How was I able to accomplish this every day; what made me think it was so easy? But I chose this, and had to do it every day Monday through Friday. How was I able to accomplish this every day, what made me think it was so easy. So many different optical have crossed my mind, why did I chose that life, what would have happened if I didn’t have a baby at such a young age? Would I be who I am today if I didn’t have a baby at such a young age? My teenagers days were over before they had even began. I will never be able to enjoy my teenage years, that is something I can never get back, something I missed out in my life, I don’t wish that on anything. Living with his family was a bit of a challenge to me as well as my child’s father; we had to share rooms with his mother as well as his younger brother. So many people lived at their house that it was overcrowded and they didn’t see it that way, since they were a very close family and thought it was ok to be all together.
We stayed there for three years, on the same routine, working, school and cleaning, very had and very challenging but we did it. In a way I feel that we had no choice were where we suppose to go, we had no were to go and we were not able to rent an apartment of our own because we were under age. My child grew and grew and it only made it more challenging for everyone at the house hold since so many people were there. At the age of eighteen when I was old enough to get my own place, I rented an apartment. I had been able to save an adequate amount of money to purchase furniture as well as food for my own place. Looking back at it now that day I felt so happy, being able to do something for my family as well as for myself. It was a remarkable feeling moving out, being on my own.
Were we ready for this, we didn’t know but all we knew was that it was time to leave it was time for us to move out. It was not a big apartment but it was my own place, somewhere I can call home. Yes it was very hard, working, going to school and being a mother; at that time my child’s father was bouncing from job to job he couldn’t keep a stable job. Many times I remember having to skip class so that I would work extra hours to make enough money for my rent as well as bills. So much was going on but I had to keep it together and make sure I was there for my child, myself as well as for my home. That only lasted a year, I was not able to take care of it all, my child’s father was not able to keep a job at all and we decided it would be best if he went back home and I went back home.
At that time I was able to pay for my own things as well as for my baby thing, I was even able to help my patents with their bills. It felt great being able to help them, because they had done so much for me for so many years. Going back home was the best decision I could have made for my child and I, everything was wonderful. I was working, and going to school, life couldn’t get any easier for us. Of course I wished it would have worked out with my child’s father but in a way I feel that as a young teenager I had to grow up and take care of my child, and for him it was too much. The responsibility, the bills the apartment, it was just too much for him. He wanted to party and have his freedom back, so I had to let him go. It was hard and yes I was destroyed (at the time) but there was nothing I could do, he didn’t want to be tied down and he wanted his freedom.
Memoir# 3 - After a while he did beg me to come back, but by then it was just too late. Subsequent to that I was mostly focused on myself; for once, I was in another state of mind. He was no longer one of my worries. Something had come over me and made me see everything so different and my child was happier than ever. I went back to school I started working out and making sure I took care of myself; it was so hard for me to do this because I was so use to being with him and spending time with him. He comes from a very large family not like me; we come from a very small family and don’t really have a lot of people in our life. But now I had to get use too this new life of loneliest, his family has never wanted anything to do with him or myself, which it was hard for me to understand at first but threw out the years I have learned to deal with it. In a way I feel that that breakup was the best thing that has ever happened to me, I felt that he was bulling me down or the wrong way and I kept trying to succeed and more forward to create a better life for my child and myself.
Of course it took me a while to understand, but now I know that it was for the best. My son and I have never needed him for anything; I feel that I am a very independent person who doesn’t need anyone to take care of me or my child. Yes I will admit I didn’t want this kind of life I begged him, please do it for our young child. But he was determined to be a free man; he was determined to have his freedom back. The worst part of it all was that he was cheating on me, and all his family knew about it. The girl would go over to his mom’s house and that’s why he was always at his mother house. Everyone knew about the situation except me, I was the only fool that didn’t know he had a double life with her and me. Some way or another I was given her number and confronted the girl about it, she said I was crazy and I had to move on.
After a good while I met my husband and it was amazing he was the person who came to rescue me from it all, he was five years older than myself so he knew stuff that of course I didn’t, he would take us to places we never been to and of course out of town. To us that was a big surprise since we have never stepped foot in a water park or theme park. Everything was great; my child’s father didn’t want to be a part of his or my life which was understandable.
We were extremely adolescent at what time we became parents so I knew that sooner or later he would leave he couldn’t handle the fact that our teenage days were all over. Of course I had to handle it all; I had to make sure my son had a roof over him as well as food every single day. My son was only three years old, and now a new man in our lives was a big challenge but we both had to adapt, I was happier and my son was enjoying himself. After only a year of dating my husband proposes, it was so exciting to me because I had never experience something like this, we had not even talked about marriage and the way he proposes was so amazing and magical. A day that I would never forget, everyone knew about the proposal exempt me. We got married six months later which was overwhelming because he was graduation from University of Houston with his bachelors. He has a house ready for us, furnished and comfortable just for us.
My son is now ten years old and he has never needed anything from his father or his family, we have had it all with the help of my husband. I know now that anything is capable, we as parents can do it all. We just have to put our minds to it and get it done, I waited to have my second child for three years, and now I have two boys a ten year old as well as a two year old. I am a hard working mother who has not stopped working since the age of sixteen. Of course I have had to put school on hold for my children, but I feel that I have had enough time off. It is now time for me to take care of my education and take care of what is so important in everyone’s career.
My oldest son would rather keep me home but he understands that I am only doing this for him; I have to better myself in order for me to better my family. The best thing about this is that my husband supports my decisions and understand what I am doing is the best thing for my family and I. at this time in my life I do not wish to have more children I would rather enjoy the ones I have an make sure they are not missing anything. I want the best for them; I feel that I have had it so hard I don’t want them to experience what I went throughout.
After experiencing what I have experience I feel that I need to have an open communities with my child, I don’t want him to experience what I went through just because we can’t talk about it. In the Hispanic culture we are not use to talking to our kids about sex, it is not a topic parents choose to talk about with their kids. But I will change this I will be open with him I will have the sex talk with my child when the time is right. But somehow I feel that he will one day look at me and tell me, if you didn’t why can’t I, what makes me any different.
I have repeatedly talked to him concerning how difficult it was for me to do this, being a teenage mother and how tough it is just thinking about it. I just hope he makes the right choices, as a parent we can only show our children the right pat but it’s their choice if they choose to take it or not. Only time will tell I just keep my hopes up and prepare for the best, at this point his father comes around once in a while, he has never paid child support because he chooses to change his employer constantly. Which has made no different to me since I have never had child support from him, I can honestly say we live pretty well and we are doing pretty well? Thank god and thank my family I have had a very good support system.
